Navigating the Deep Soul Pain of Losing a Mother: A Journey for the Sensitive Heart by Julie Bjelland, LMFT

Losing a mother is one of the most life-altering experiences anyone can endure. For those of us who are sensitive and feel deeply, the pain reverberates through every aspect of our being, intensifying the emotional and physical impact. Regardless of the nature of your relationship—whether you were intensely close or had a more complex experience—the loss can feel earth-shattering. When my mother passed away, I was engulfed in a foggy state of shock and profound sadness. The realization that someone so integral to my life was suddenly gone felt almost unbearable.

Like many aspects of my life, I find comfort in writing about my experiences, hoping my words might support others navigating a similar journey. I've always found solace in reading about the real experiences of those who have walked the journey of what I’m going through. What follows is a blend of sharing my journey, normalizing the intensity of this experience for sensitive people, and offering insights from my work as a psychotherapist and sensitive person supporting others through grief.

What to Expect in the First Few Days of Grief…

It's common to experience a wide range of intense emotions and physical reactions during grief. You may feel numb, as if the reality of the loss hasn't fully set in, leading to a sense of detachment or disbelief. Profound waves of sadness or other intense emotions might come and go, often overwhelming you. Grief can also manifest physically, with symptoms like pain, exhaustion, weakness, headaches, muscle tension, or gastrointestinal issues. Simple daily tasks may feel insurmountable, and you might find yourself withdrawing or needing the comfort of loved ones more than ever. Many people enter "survival mode," focusing on getting through each moment while emotions can suddenly surge. It's also common to question the meaning of the loss and seek comfort in rituals or memorials. In those first few days, my only goal was to get out of bed, feed the pets, and ensure I ate and stayed hydrated. Even getting my body downstairs was difficult.

The Unique Experience of Sensitive Souls

For those of us who are sensitive, grief can be an incredibly intense and all-encompassing experience. Our deep emotional connections with loved ones mean the loss feels profoundly impactful, reverberating through every aspect of our being. The grief I experienced was not just emotional; it was physical as well. My body was in pain and felt unbearably heavy, as though every fiber of my being was paralyzed. This physical response was as overwhelming as the emotional turmoil I was enduring. I found myself on an emotional seesaw—one moment sobbing, the next feeling completely numb and staring into space, as if my mind was protecting itself from the intensity of the emotions. This cycle of extreme feelings left me utterly exhausted, and each step forward required immense effort. Mornings were particularly challenging, as I often woke up with tears, the weight of loss pressing down on me deep within my bones.

Longing and Loss

There's also a deep sense of longing that accompanies this kind of loss. I missed our morning check-ins and the comfort of knowing she was there. It felt like there was a hole in my heart that no one else could fill. Memories of my mother flooded my mind, bringing both comfort and pain. The thought that she wouldn't be there for future milestones—grandchildren, holidays, or everyday moments—was heartbreaking. The impact of this emotional loss extends far beyond the immediate aftermath. My mother was a source of wisdom and support, guiding me through many of life's challenges. The void left by her absence is profound, and the realization that she won't be there to share in future moments adds another layer to the grief.

The Complex Relief of Knowing They Are No Longer Physically Suffering

Amid the profound grief, there’s also a complicated sense of relief that can arise when a loved one who was physically suffering is no longer in pain. While this relief can bring comfort, it often comes with complex emotions. It’s natural to feel conflicted—grateful that they are at peace and free from physical suffering, yet deeply mourning their absence. This duality can be challenging to navigate, as the relief of their freedom from pain intertwines with the heartache of their loss. Recognizing and accepting these mixed emotions is an important part of the grieving process.

Navigating the Path to Healing

This profound loss can affect every part of our being—emotionally, physically, and spiritually and the path to healing is long and winding. But I know it’s okay to grieve, to feel the depth of my loss, and to give myself the time and space I need to heal. The process of grieving a mother can be one of the most challenging journeys we ever embark on.

The Importance of Creating Cherished Memories

In preparation for this inevitable loss, I’m deeply grateful that I took the time to temporarily move closer to my mom during the last year of her life, knowing her health was declining. I rented a place on the water and brought her there often, creating a healing space where we could spend meaningful time together. During this period, we grew closer, fully accepted each other, and deeply felt each other’s love. I made it a priority to be in daily contact, cherishing every moment we spent together. Over the years, my mom had supported me in countless ways, and I wanted to be there for her, too. We arranged several get-togethers with grandkids and even great-grandkids, creating cherished memories that will last a lifetime. One of the small joys we shared was when I encouraged her to treat herself—like indulging in a pomegranate she loved but often passed by because it seemed too expensive. The joy I felt when she told me she had bought one and enjoyed it still makes me smile. I’m thankful I could express how much her love and support meant to me. These happy moments we shared are now a source of solace, providing comfort amid loss.

Embracing and Honoring Grief

What I’ve learned about grief is that it needs to be accepted and honored, not rushed or suppressed, especially for those of us who feel deeply. I know that healing my mind, body, and spirit will take time, and I’m allowing myself the space to do so. I deeply miss our morning chats, sharing updates about the water birds and fish she loved visiting. I’m not placing expectations on myself. I’m allowing myself to cry when the emotions overwhelm me, to feel numb when I need to, and to experience every facet of this grief. I’m connecting to friends and family and spending time at the sea, which brings me healing and comfort. I’m prioritizing my emotional well-being. This journey of grief is a tender process, and I’m committed to honoring it with the patience and compassion it deserves.

Gratitude for Healing, Support, and Community

I’m profoundly thankful for the healing work I’ve done on myself leading up to this moment, as it feels like it has prepared me for what I knew would be one of the most challenging experiences of my life. Having my adult son stay with me during this time has been a source of immense comfort, while my other son, away at college, brings me joy through video chats, text check-ins, and even helping with aspects of my business. I’m incredibly grateful for my sons and loved ones who have supported me. I also find comfort in spending time with my Sensitive Empowerment Community family, a loving group of sensitives I adore. Being around other sensitive people always feels good—they all have such caring hearts, and their presence brings me a deep sense of comfort.

Mindfulness and the Power of Self-Compassion

Approaching this journey mindfully, trusting my intuition, and moving closer to my mother allowed us to create beautiful moments together. I am deeply grateful for that decision, knowing it brought both of us healing and connection in her final days. The deep understanding I've cultivated of my heightened emotions and my self-compassion practice has helped me navigate the most challenging parts of life.

Developing these practices before you need them can make a profound difference when facing life's toughest challenges. It’s helpful to lean on others, accept that you will feel deeply, and take the time to heal and honor yourself as you grieve in your own way.

Honoring Grief as a Sensitive Soul

I hope something in these words supports you. As sensitive souls, we often feel the depth of our emotions more intensely, and it’s important to honor that part of ourselves. May you find comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your grief or pain and that it’s okay to take the time you need to heal. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this tender journey.

Sending love and gentle hugs to your beautiful, sensitive hearts. ❤️

I’m Julie Bjelland, LMFT

Licensed Psychotherapist, author, and founder of Sensitive Empowerment, specializing in high sensitivity, neurodivergence, and adult-discovered autism in women. I love developing tools that balance our sensitive nervous system, reduce challenges, and help us reach our fullest potential so we may excel in our unique talents. I’ve created a global hub of extensive support, including online courses, the Sensitive Empowerment Community—a nurturing sanctuary—a globally top-ranked podcast, articles, free webinars, and more. My passion is helping create a world where differences are embraced as strengths and celebrated. LGBTQIA+ Affirming. Learn more at JulieBjelland.com

---