Episode 104: How to Avoid and Heal From Toxic Relationships, with Julie and Willow
Show Notes
HSPs tend to be over-givers and toxic people tend to be over-takers. This dynamic has been played out for many of us either in our families, friendships, romantic relationships, or even with work colleagues.
Types of toxic relationships included in this discussion:
Family
Romantic
Friendships
Work
Relationship stages
Honeymoon stage (6 months-brain on drugs)
Conflict stage (seek therapy early!)
Deeper love
What we want to start with
Do internal growth and empowerment work
(A big Red flag can be we are not healthy, balanced ourselves) this is first priority
In healthy relationships, we should feel comfortable to be ourselves and feel good around them, you feel accepted for who you are, they can compromise and be understanding, and you can work through conflicts in healthy ways.
Recognizing Red Flags in Toxic Relationships
They might be very self-absorbed, not attentive, and have a sense of entitlement, and require excessive admiration
They put you down, you don’t feel good about yourself when with them
Monopolize conversations or look down on people
Ignore your needs
Take advantage of others to get what they want
Not willing to compromise or recognize the needs and feelings of others
Become impatient or angry when they don't get what they want or receive special treatment
Have significant problems in their relationships and easily feel slighted
React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior
Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior
A few questions answered
If you can't cut out the toxic person and need to negotiate, how to protect your energies as an HSP?
I’ve had to create some really strong boundaries with a parent, but I struggle with guilt and feel judged. Any tips for working with the guilt and “shoulds”? I go in waves of feeling empowered or feeling “bad” or selfish?
Someone wanted us to cover how to balance not overgiving and how to avoid toxic people. “I want to be open to friendships and relationships but have trouble knowing if someone is genuine and a good person. I used to be too trusting and now I’ve gone to the other spectrum of not trusting anyone because I’ve been so hurt in the past.”
Other thoughts to explore
What was modeled in our childhood can impact how we view relationships and perceive what is ok and what isn’t.
Seek therapy if you had a lot of dysfunction or abuse in your childhood or past relationships to shift patterns and learn what is ok and what isn’t.
Just because someone is disappointed or upset with you for creating a healthy boundary or saying no, does not mean you should have said yes.
Often the people who need boundaries the most will be the ones that struggle the most with you setting them. It’s important that you set and hold the boundary.
If you are experiencing abuse in your relationship, please reach out for support and visit the national domestic violence hotline that offers free, confidential support and many resources to help too at https://www.thehotline.org/ or Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) If dangerous, create a safety plan
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About the Hosts
Julie Bjelland is the founder of Sensitive Empowerment. As a sensitivity expert and psychotherapist, her books, online courses, and Sensitive Empowerment Community have helped thousands of highly sensitive people (HSPs) worldwide reduce their challenges, access their gifts, and discover their significant value to thrive to their fullest potential. Known for her ability to teach HSPs proven brain-training tools that work quickly, Julie is on a mission to empower sensitive people to live their best lives. For more HSP resources and to take Julie’s free Sensitivity Quiz, visit JulieBjelland.com
Highly sensitive people thrive quickly with the right tools and I have loved helping highly sensitive people (HSPs) around the world reduce anxiety and thrive to their fullest potential. The techniques I have developed come from years of working with highly sensitive people all over the world and have been extremely successful for the clients and students I work with. Our life gets a lot better and so does the life of those around us when we are thriving and your sensitive self is beautiful and valuable. We need you in the world. ~Julie
Willow McIntosh is the founder of Inluminance and leader of the High Sensory Intelligence movement. Unique circumstances during Willow’s childhood lead to the burying of his authentic self and complete misalignment to the work he was destined for. He began to carve his own path into understanding how people with sensory processing sensitivity can learn to use their genetic traits to their advantage. As an adult this lead to a lifelong enquiry and practise into learning powerful energetic alignment techniques to re-engage with the authentic self. Willow believes that all people with the trait have the ability to tap into a unique skill that draws on a deeper sensory perception. Founded in their own life experience and self development they have the capacity to facilitate great transformation and development in others. Willow is on a mission to awaken us to the responsibility we have to utilise the abilities it affords in business, governments and leadership. Having successfully facilitated the development of seven figure businesses Willow’s practise has taken him all over the world. Speaking internationally, training in a broad range of fields and facilitating others for more than twenty years. Willow now specialises in facilitating people with the trait to activate them into service in alignment with their gifts and purpose and to support them to take their own businesses to the next level towards automation and leadership.
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Resources & Links Mentioned in Episode
To take Julie’s free sensitivity quiz, explore her books and courses for the sensitive and learn tools to reduce the challenges and access your gifts, visit www.juliebjelland.com.
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