Episode 141: Do You Have Guilt or Shame Around Being Sensitive or Your Sensitive Needs? A Discussion with Julie and Willow
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Resources & Links Mentioned in Episode
To Join the Sensitive Empowerment Community, take Julie’s free Masterclasses for HSPs, and explore all resources for highly sensitive people at www.juliebjelland.com.
Show Notes
Guilt and shame tend to be a big problem for HSPs.
For the purposes of this episode, we are going to discuss this in relation to the trait of high sensitivity.
Guilt Culprits: We often try to please people. We don’t want to experience their disappointment. We try to do the right thing. We might feel guilty for setting boundaries, taking alone time, or needing to do things differently.
Shame culprits: Most of us have been told our whole lives that something is wrong with us for being “too sensitive” so we often walk around with shame about who we are.
What HSPs shared from the community…
Guilt about being an inconvenience to family and others when we have to ask for needs that are different from the majority, having to overly explain when we have to say 'no' because others don't understand, needing alone time more frequently which may hurt those we love and being tired more often than not without the energy others can manage
Guilt around boundaries with certain family that’s toxic
shame for not being stoic and letting things impact me emotionally.
I was made fun of for being sensitive as a kid. Called a cry baby.
Guilt pops up when I have to cancel plans or ask for special accommodations.
I have a pretty narrow window of comfort. Hot/cold, smells and odors, noises, fix that faucet, why does that appliance sound like that?
Hearing…“She always has to have her way.”
Shame for showing/revealing how sensitive we are.
Shame around accepting my sensitivity around others who are different than us and not showing all my emotions including my tears because of feeling embarrassed that I am to much or "too sensitive "
Feeling embarrassed about needing to do things differently, but especially when I have to ask someone else to accommodate my need, like asking someone to not wear fragrance when we are together or asking a coworker to not use artificial scents because that negatively affects me.
Shame for being able to pick up on people’s energies, I learned not to share my insights because people would say I was jumping to conclusions or that I had no evidence to explain how I felt. It made me seriously question myself.
Guilt and shame are exhausting and drain our energy. If we take alone time to restore but we feel guilty when we do it then we don’t restore. It even zaps us of our energy!
If we feel shame about who we are we have a hard time putting ourselves out into the world and deeply connecting to who we really are and finding our life purpose.
If struggling with family…
For those that are staying in your life: Educate about the trait and your needs in a matter of fact positive empowering way
For those you are releasing for your well-being: Sending loving energy from a distance can help
Ways to intentionally let go of guilt and shame
1. Acknowledge, normalize and validate your experiences
2. Learn about your positive gifts within this trait of high sensitivity.
3. Practice self-compassion for the hard feelings as it helps us feel more resilient too
4. Set boundaries. Redirect to internal focus. Remind yourself why you had to set that boundary or say no and remember your inner child’s needs.
5. Know that when we give up our needs we don’t thrive and that’s not good for anyone. Your needs are not less important than other people's needs.
6. Shift your mindset. It’s not possible to “please” anyone. That’s not our job, that’s their job.
7. Surround yourself with people who support you and limit or let go of those that don’t. Know that this community supports you! ❤️
8. Be intentional and give time to consciously shift
9. Seek out support from an HSP Psychotherapist who can be a great source of support to guide us through the deep parts. Check out the HSP Practitioners Directory!
10. Keep practicing! The more you practice the easier it is to release the guilt and shame.
Further Recommended Resources from Julie and Willow
Julie offers an online course that helps with Sensory Overload: Brain Training for the Highly Sensitive Person, Techniques to Reduce Anxiety and Overwhelming Emotions. HSPcourses.com
Willow’s High Sensory Coaching Program. This allows us to consciously witness the unique advantages of being able to process sensory information more deeply and how this can be used to create your own business as a coach, facilitator, healer or consultant. https://inluminance.com/the-training
About the Hosts
Julie Bjelland is the founder of Sensitive Empowerment. As a sensitivity expert and psychotherapist, her books, online courses, and Sensitive Empowerment Community have helped thousands of highly sensitive people (HSPs) worldwide reduce their challenges, access their gifts, and discover their significant value to thrive to their fullest potential. Known for her ability to teach HSPs proven brain-training tools that work quickly, Julie is on a mission to empower sensitive people to live their best lives. For more HSP resources and to take Julie’s free Sensitivity Quiz, visit JulieBjelland.com
Highly sensitive people thrive quickly with the right tools and I have loved helping highly sensitive people (HSPs) around the world reduce anxiety and thrive to their fullest potential. The techniques I have developed come from years of working with highly sensitive people all over the world and have been extremely successful for the clients and students I work with. Our life gets a lot better and so does the life of those around us when we are thriving and your sensitive self is beautiful and valuable. We need you in the world. ~Julie
Willow McIntosh is the founder of Inluminance and leader of the High Sensory Intelligence movement. Unique circumstances during Willow’s childhood lead to the burying of his authentic self and complete misalignment to the work he was destined for. He began to carve his own path into understanding how people with sensory processing sensitivity can learn to use their genetic traits to their advantage. As an adult this lead to a lifelong enquiry and practise into learning powerful energetic alignment techniques to re-engage with the authentic self. Willow believes that all people with the trait have the ability to tap into a unique skill that draws on a deeper sensory perception. Founded in their own life experience and self development they have the capacity to facilitate great transformation and development in others. Willow is on a mission to awaken us to the responsibility we have to utilise the abilities it affords in business, governments and leadership. Having successfully facilitated the development of seven figure businesses Willow’s practise has taken him all over the world. Speaking internationally, training in a broad range of fields and facilitating others for more than twenty years. Willow now specialises in facilitating people with the trait to activate them into service in alignment with their gifts and purpose and to support them to take their own businesses to the next level towards automation and leadership.
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