Emotional Wounding Support During Hard Times

Sometimes life hits us with a bunch of emotional wounding or hard times. Before I did my growth work, I fell hard and stayed down for a long time. It's been interesting witnessing how I support myself now and how much more resilient I feel. 

I used to fear having hard things happen because I didn't have tools, and I didn't feel like I could get through hard times without falling apart completely. It's why I think our tools are so essential now. They give me a sense of feeling like having these tools in my pocket means I know that I can handle what I have to face, even if it is challenging.  

When life stressors have knocked me down, here is how I loved and supported myself through them...

I lovingly acknowledge my emotions now. I check in with my inner child with self-compassion. I put my hand on my heart, and I talk to her and connect with her with loving-kindness. This is SO different from how I used to respond! I think of it in the way I responded to my children when they needed support—loving, caring, gentle, patient, compassionate. I had to teach myself to respond to myself that way, making all the difference.  

I reminded myself that the intensity of my feeling is temporary and won't last this way forever. This has always been a big one for me. Because my emotions used to take over and my cognitive brain would go to sleep, I used to feel that the emotion I was in was the emotion I was always going to feel, and that was REALLY hard! Now, reminding myself that I have tools and that I can support myself through anything challenging helps a lot. 

I accept myself as a deep feeler and stopped judging myself and didn't put time frames when I thought I was supposed to feel better. Instead, I think of the ebb and flow of nature, and I accept my flow. 

I stop my to-do list and focus instead on... "what do I need at this moment." Letting go of some responsibilities allows us to focus on our needs. It's ok to say no or change plans. I used to feel guilty or worried I would let people down, but if I did too much, I would let myself down, and it usually didn't turn out well anyway! Everyone has been through something hard, so most people understand when we need to change our course a bit during hard times. 

I spend a lot of time in nature, in water or near water, and with trees and quiet places. It's my medicine for most everything. So focusing on the beauty of nature and its healing ability is always something that helps me. 

I slow down, let go, and ask for help if I need it. It's ok if I don't get stuff done and do little things at a time. I remind myself it will get done eventually, but my priority right now is tending to my wellness.  

I cuddle my pets, practice mindfulness, stare at the sky and watch the clouds move slowly. I listen to the birds in my feeder, observe tiny plants, leaves, blooms, and details on a leaf and make time to see the sunrise and sunset. The little things fill up my positivity tank to support the extra stressors. 

I write and journal and reflect and process. I often feel better writing out how I feel and what I need. 

I focus on the basics when I'm exhausted. Hydrating, making sure I eat something healthy. I take baths, drink warm tea, lay under my weighted blanket, and allow myself to just be.  

I think about emotional injury as the same as physical injury in the sense that it involves a time of healing. I wrote about that in the article, Give yourself nurturing rest after emotional exhaustion or emotional injury. 

It's incredible what a difference it makes when we can be kind and patient with ourselves and not add additional pressures or expectations. We can take just one step at a time with a lighter load and support ourselves through the seasons. We can turn to nature to remind us that the season of growth will come again, and it's ok to experience some dormancy and internal time as we work through whatever we might be experiencing.  

I am more resilient with my tools and intentional self-care now, and it's made all the difference in my life. I also think that conscious living and focusing on balance throughout our life helps. If we started balanced when the life stressor fell into our life, we could navigate it better than if we were imbalanced from the beginning. So focusing on the intentional, fierce self-care every day as HSPs prepares us for the hard times too. 

I thought it might help us share ways to support ourselves through hard times.   In our shares, we may help each other.  ❤️

Here are shares from our Sensitive Empowerment Community and we invite you to join our discussions.

• Thank you Julie Bjelland for another supportive teaching and sharing. Your explanations, examples, and personal experiences are so clear and balanced with real challenges and real actions to take, that I always feel understood and empowered - like I can try at least something there, even if only a thought shift to start. And all the strategies you offer gently invite me in, and they all work for some relief, self-respect, and finding my way in hard times. Thank you so much for these tools and encouragement to use them.

• Oh my what a great article, Julie!! You offer such good modeling for I bet many of us. I for one was overly trained in selflessness. Only now am I starting to get the value of unconditional self love and care. Far from selfish, it's about honoring the gifts we've been given in this life. Its about dignity and self-respect. So thank you for your impeccable timing! this is perfect for right now.

• Thank you for the article, Julie. These are some really great ideas. I love how you shared that physical wounds take time to heal and that we also need to take time to heal emotional wounds. Talking about the situation can also help me heal emotional wounds. Also, being a part of this community where we can validate and understand each other helps greatly. We are not alone in how we feel here in the company of other HSP.

• Thank you, Julie. I am in a place where I really needed to hear this right now. I am encouraged to give myself permission to recover by giving myself time to focus on my needs and reminded that there’s nothing wrong with that!!!

• I soaked in every word. The only tool I have is to try to stay in the moment. This has helped some. I have never taken care of me, I have never made myself my priority. My new tool is to be kind to myself. I will work on this.

• When I think of emotional wounding, here's what comes up for me and it might resonate for others, too:

  -wounding from my parents who loved me but didn't understand. "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about."

  -wounding from the deaths of loved ones including animals and trees. I feel deeply connected to trees and I often get sick to my stomach when I see them cut down in a way that doesn't honor them.

  -wounding from a job I had to do laying off hundreds of people. It broke my heart and I eventually left the profession.

  -wounding from seeing acts of hatred, discrimination, war, etc.

  -wounding from the negative self-talk I inflicted on myself for years before I learned to have self-compassion. I think this is such a common experience for HSPs because we think we're broken until we learn about our trait and that there are others out there like us. 

  What helps? Calm, quiet, nature, good food, soft clothes, baths, walking, yoga, fuzzy blankets, tea, journaling, petting my cats, talking to an HSP counselor, talking with my partner (a safe person), participating in HSP communities (like this one!), telling myself that I'm loved, podcasts (like this one!), books, and feel-good tv.

• Can resonate so much with what you've said here Julie Bjelland. We tend to take much more care in recovering from our physical than our emotional injuries. I guess because we can see a physical injury and it gets back to a basic instinct of knowing what is and is not possible when we are physically hurt. When we are in turn with our emotional selves, we are also able to 'see' our emotions and our emotional wounding and it then becomes easier to take care of ourselves in this way, just as it would if we had a physical injury. Very important, I think, what you've said here about removing a timeframe for how we are supposed to feel and emotionally recover and getting back to basics when exhausted.

We invite you to join our daily discussions, join live events, and make kind-hearted HSPs in this supportive, positive, inclusive, conscious HSP community.

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Julie Bjelland is a Psychotherapist specializing in high sensitivity, host of The HSP Podcast, and Founder of the Sensitive Empowerment Community, whose mission is to create a paradigm shift where sensitivity is embraced, valued, and honored. Julie offers multiple essential resources for educating, inspiring, and empowering HSPs. Register for her free Masterclasses and profoundly transform your life in her courses and community. Her HSP Dating Group is a safe space bringing together conscious, kind, caring HSPs (both Hetero and LGBTQ+). Her HSPs in Business Group supports and empowers sensitive people to grow heart-centered businesses, share their voices, and be part of the change the world needs. Explore Julie’s website dedicated to supporting HSPs and download a free letter to give medical and mental health professionals about high sensitivity. ❤️🌈❤️ (she/her)