Healing from Self-Blame: A Gentle Path for the Sensitive and Neurodivergent by Julie Bjelland, LMFT

If you’ve spent much of your life feeling like you were the reason things went wrong—like you were responsible for someone else’s feelings, discomfort, or reactions, even when you had no control over the situation—you’re not alone.

Many sensitive and neurodivergent individuals carry a deep, often invisible burden of self-blame. This isn't about blaming yourself for specific mistakes—it’s a chronic, internalized belief that you are the problem. That belief often begins early in life, sometimes even before you have words to describe it. When something feels off, your brain tries to make sense of it. Without clear answers or emotional support, it quietly concludes: "It must be me."

Maybe someone’s mood suddenly shifted, and you assumed you caused it.
Maybe a miscommunication made you feel like you were too much—or not enough.
Or maybe no one ever explained what was happening, so you created a story where you were to blame.

This kind of self-blame doesn’t mean you’re broken.

It means your nervous system adapted to help you feel safe. It learned that taking responsibility—even for things that weren’t yours—might help you avoid conflict, gain approval, or feel more in control in unpredictable environments.

As a sensitive and neurodivergent person, you likely notice the subtle things others miss—tone changes, silence, body language, tension. When you grow up in environments where your emotional needs weren’t fully seen, understood, or met, it’s easy to start assuming that if something feels wrong, you must be the reason.

But self-blame is not the truth.
It’s a wound.
And like all wounds, it can heal.

Healing Begins with Awareness

You may start to notice how quickly you turn inward when something feels off. Even small, neutral interactions can trigger spirals of self-doubt.

You might catch yourself thinking:

• Did I make them uncomfortable?

• I should’ve said something different.

• Maybe I was too intense.

• I probably ruined the moment.

These thoughts are not signs that you are flawed.
They are protective responses shaped by past experiences.

They come from a time when assuming fault felt safer than uncertainty.

Here’s What’s True

You are not responsible for managing other people’s emotions.
You don’t have to fix every interaction.
You don’t have to carry burdens that were never yours to begin with.

A Gentle Return to Yourself

Healing doesn’t mean never feeling doubt again—it means learning to respond differently when that doubt arises.

It looks like:

• Pausing when you notice self-blaming thoughts

• Offering yourself compassion—the kind you’d naturally give to someone you care for

• Reminding yourself: “I’m not perfect, but I’m not at fault”

• Recognizing your sensitivity as a strength, not a flaw

And it’s okay to grieve.

You may grieve the years you spent believing you were the problem.
You may grieve the peace you deserved but didn’t know how to claim.
Grief, too, is part of healing.

With Compassion Comes Freedom

Over time, as you consistently meet yourself with kindness, the voice of self-blame softens. It becomes quieter. Less urgent. Less believable.

And in its place, something gentler begins to emerge:

• Self-trust

• Self-acceptance

• Self-kindness

You are not too much.
You were never the problem.
You deserve love, rest, and freedom—exactly as you are.

You Don’t Have to Heal Alone

If you're on the path to releasing self-blame and embracing your sensitive and neurodivergent self, support is here for you.

At JulieBjelland.com, you’ll find a sanctuary of resources to meet you wherever you are in your journey, including:

• The Sensitive Empowerment Community, where you can connect with kind-hearted people around the world

• Seven online courses designed to reduce overwhelm, build emotional regulation, and support your neurodivergent identity

• Private therapy and consultations for deeper, personalized support

• Neurodiversity-affirming autism assessments created with sensitivity in mind

• Free webinars to help you feel more understood and empowered

• A free video on a powerful self-compassion technique and emotional healing

Every offering is created to honor your nervous system, validate your lived experience, and support your healing—at your own pace.

You are not alone.
You are not too much.
And you are worthy of support that truly sees you.

About the Author
Julie Bjelland, LMFT, is a licensed psychotherapist, author, and founder of Sensitive Empowerment. Specializing in high sensitivity and adult-discovered autism, Julie is internationally recognized for her compassionate, neurodiversity-affirming approach. She has developed practical tools to help regulate the sensitive nervous system, ease overwhelm, and support individuals in embracing their unique strengths. Julie’s global hub includes empowering online courses, the nurturing Sensitive Empowerment Community, a top 1.5% globally ranked podcast, articles, and webinars. She also offers therapy, consultations, and autism assessments, guiding sensitive and neurodivergent individuals toward greater self-understanding, self-compassion, and authentic living.

Learn more at JulieBjelland.com

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