Setting Intentional Healthy Boundaries on Holidays

Holidays are a good time to remind ourselves of the importance of setting healthy and intentional boundaries around our time, energy, and relationships. When we set boundaries, we teach people about our needs and honor our energy. 

Remember, you say no to your inner child whenever you say yes to something you don’t want. Over time, this will impact every part of you, and you will be at risk of developing resentment in your relationships and will likely get burnt out.                                

Here are some things to remember when thinking about boundaries:

• It is not my job to fix others.                                                        

• It is okay to say no

• It is not my job to take responsibility for others

• I don’t have to anticipate the needs of others.                                                  

• Nobody has to agree with me.

• I have a right to my own feelings.

• It is my job to meet my needs.              

Setting boundaries takes time, and it will not always be comfortable. As HSPs, this process can seem counterintuitive to who we are. After all, we want to help others. Like with so many of our strengths, they cannot remain our strengths if we don’t also set boundaries that allow us to remain empowered and be our best selves.

Do you have a hard time saying no?         

A lot of HSPs talk about how hard it is to say no. We worry about disappointing someone and feel guilty if we say no. Resentment grows out of not being able to say no. Every single person I have seen who has a full resentment tank struggles with saying no.

No is a complete sentence.             

I like to guide HSPs to listen to their bodies somatically because, if we listen, our bodies often give us the answers before our cognitive awareness. How do we know when to say yes or no? What is your body telling you? Does it feel like a relief if you imagine saying no to something? If you imagine saying yes, does it give you a good or bad feeling? When you get an icky feeling about saying yes, it might indicate you want to say no.                

Here are some examples of ways it might be easier for you to say no:

• That’s not going to work for me.

• I am over-committed, so I won’t be able to do that.

• I’m busy and can’t.                             

• I’m not the right person to do that.                             

• I can’t help this time.                             

• I’m not available.                             

• I wish I could, but I can’t.                             

• No, thank you.                             

• That sounds fun, but I won’t be able to this time.

• Thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t.                

With practice, it gets easier to say no. It is also more kind to say no than to get resentful for saying yes. Over time you start to feel the rewards of preserving your precious energy, motivating you to continue.

I hope these tips support you in setting intentional, healthy boundaries. We love talking about our experiences setting boundaries in the Sensitive Empowerment Community and warmly welcome you to join this safe, private, professionally moderated space.  

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Julie Bjelland is a psychotherapist specializing in high sensitivity, Author of The Empowered Highly Sensitive Person, host of The HSP Podcast, and founder of the Sensitive Empowerment Community. Her books, blog, online courses, and free Masterclasses have helped thousands of highly sensitive people (HSPs) worldwide reduce their challenges, access their gifts, and discover their significant value to thrive to their fullest potential. Her HSPs in Heart-Centered Business Group connects and supports HSP healers and practitioners. Julie loves connecting in her Sensitive Empowerment Community and warmly invites you to join this positive, safe, and welcoming space. JulieBjelland.com❤️🌈❤️ (she/her)