Simple Self-Care for Sensitive Souls, part of the Empaths, Sensitives & Intuitives Summit

The modern world is often overwhelming and stressful for those with sensitive nervous systems. You often suffer from the challenges of sensory overload, impacting your mental health, and also your physical health. Fortunately, there are simple tools that Julie Bjelland, LMFT, will share that have helped thousands of highly sensitive people (HSPs) move from surviving into thriving, allowing you to live life to your fullest potential — because the world needs you.

In this session, you'll discover:

• The modern world often causes sensory overload for sensitive people

• Solutions to the challenges of high sensitivity, including fierce self-care to stay balanced and healthy

• Sensitive people are needed to change the world

I invite you to join me in the Sensitive Empowerment Community

• A positive, conscious, accepting HSP family

• Make HSP friends all over the world dedicated to growth and empowerment

• Learn more about how to thrive in your highest level of wellness

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• Join live events, like The HSP Podcast episodes!

• Explore over 100+ recorded events and trainings

This interview is part of the Empaths, Sensitives & Intuitives Summit a free online event.

For more information, and to register free, click here. This recording is a copyright of The Shift Network. All rights reserved.

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Transcript: Empaths, Sensitivities & Intuitives Summit™ Simple Self Care for Sensitive Souls 

Julie Bjelland 

Melissa: Welcome, everyone. We are so glad that you're joining us today. I'm very excited  to introduce our special guest, Julie Bjelland. Julie is a psychotherapist, the host  of the HSP Podcast, the founder of the Sensitive Empowerment Community.  She's got the HSPs in Heart-Centered Business Group and the HSP Dating Group.  Julie is a powerhouse, and her mission is to teach you how to balance and honor  your sensitive nervous system, understand your incredible value, love who you  are, and empower you to bloom into your highest potential. Julie, it is such a  pleasure to have you joining us today. Welcome. 

Julie: Thank you so much. I'm excited to talk today about my favorite subject. 

Melissa: Likewise. I think you and I are going to have a very exciting conversation here.  Before we get into the nitty-gritty of things, I'm hoping that for those who are  listening who aren't familiar with your name, your work. If you can just share a  little bit of an overview about the work that you do and maybe how you came to  do it, the path that led you here. 

Julie: Yes. Well, I am a psychotherapist that specializes in the trait of high sensitivity. I  identify as an HSP empath myself, which really means that we're at the highest  level of sensitivity, and life can be pretty challenging like that. I really got  incredibly passionate and dedicated about, how can we make life a little easier  for us because the world's not really set up for those with really high sensitivity.  We can have a lot of sensory overload, and a lot of challenges, but there are so  many gifts, too. That's a big part of my mission in general, is to help HSPs remove  that layer of overwhelm and challenge so that they can access their many  amazing gifts that the world needs, so that's a big part of my mission. 

Melissa: Yes, I love it. I am on that mission with you. I think everybody involved in the  summit, that's why we're doing this because we know that HSPs deserve to  thrive. And that sometimes there are just some challenges to get there. I'm  curious if you can speak, because you've got such a vast background in this, to some of the common challenges that you see HSPs, and empaths are having that  lead them to maybe seek out psychotherapy or other healing modalities. What  are the common challenges that you see in HSPs that you can really help them  with? 

Julie: Well, I've been researching a lot around sensory overload. That's a big one for a  lot of us high up on that sensitivity scale and that shows up in lots of different  ways. We can have mental health challenges, physical health challenges. Also, in  general, a lot of us receive messages that something's wrong with being  sensitive, so we've got that extra weight and this burden, walking around  thinking there's something wrong with us. It's become really important to me to  shift that message and really create a paradigm shift about it. In fact, we have  these sensitivities for a reason. I'm always telling HSPs, we call them highly  sensitive people, that you're not too sensitive. It's that the world, the modern  world is too loud and chaotic. That's what's wrong. It's not you that's wrong.  Your sensitivities are not wrong. We really have to do specific things that support  our sensitivities when we're living amongst modern society. 

Melissa: I love that. I grew up often hearing I was too sensitive, too intense, too dramatic,  too much. I am of that smaller percentage of HSPs that is extroverted. I also  identify as being strong-willed. I am a sensation seeker, so I'm not the typical  HSP. I can imagine that in childhood, I was too much, just too much for  everybody around me. I often felt like too much for myself, so I really resonate  with everything that you're sharing here. I empathize with those HSPs who are  listening who are still feeling that way. I know for me; it took a lot of personal  work and self-journey to get to a place where it didn't feel too much. It felt like  the right amount for me. Maybe too much for others, but for me, it was just  right. I'm curious if you can just share maybe some of the tools or the healing  modalities that you use with your clients, with the people that are in your  community that help them to feel more in balance with themselves so that they  don't have that too muchness that I think so many of us identify with. 

Julie: Yeah. I'm so sorry you got those messages, too. I got those. I identify as an HSP  empath introvert. I also have the trait the high sensation seeking, so that's a  complicated mixture as well. So many times, we walk around in the world, and  when we really are thinking something's wrong with us, it does impact absolutely  everything about our lives. Spending time with other sensitive people is a big one  to really normalize and validate your experiences in the world, and to do specific  things that slow down the nervous system motor. Little things like even closing  your eyes a little bit throughout the day is a big one because about 80% of our  stimulation is visual. One of my favorite things to recommend people who feel  burnt out is to get time in nature alone, because nature has a really healing  capacity for us. It really gives us and feeds us a lot of energy and making sure  that you are spending time alone. I believe especially HSP empaths need to have a quiet place in their home that's  just there so that they can close the door and be in that space. Because if you're  thinking about the nervous system as being a container, an HSP might have a  hundred cups of information dumped into that container. Whereas 80% or more  of the population only has a few cups. That's part of the reason why we're so  overloaded, is we're really taking in a lot of information, a lot of data. We're  reading micro expressions and energy that other people miss, and if we are just  walking around in the world. I used to say before I knew about this trait and  supported myself with it, I felt like I was this raw, exposed nerve. It's almost like I  needed some armor on me to protect myself. I felt so sensitive, so beaten down  and so overwhelmed. I thought I wasn't smart. I thought I wasn't capable. I was  depressed and anxious. These are actually pretty common for a lot of sensitive  people. Unfortunately, a lot of medical and mental health providers don't know  about these traits. HSPs are getting misdiagnosed, put on medication they don't  need that's actually making it worse. When in fact, doing things like a breath  technique to slow down the heart rate or giving yourself those little bits of  mindfulness and meditation breaks throughout the day. These and having that  alone time every day, getting into nature every day, these are things that will  absolutely help us thrive. 

Melissa: Yeah, I love those simple techniques because even as you're talking about 80% of stimulation being visual and taking these little breaks throughout the day, I'm  thinking about myself. I'm on Zoom working with clients or I'm responding to  emails. When I give myself a little break and I go outside with my dog, I'm usually  looking at Facebook or the news. It becomes more and more challenging in our  modern world to unplug from visual stimulation, from technology. Even when  I'm alone, I'm still connected, although I wouldn't say I'm feeling connection to  people. It's like I'm so plugged in to the matrix. I like these ideas about giving  yourself these small breaks. It doesn't sound like you're talking about any big,  grand changes. It's more these little things that we can do that will help us to  prevent reaching that overstimulation or that overwhelm that HSPs are prone to  reaching. 

Julie: Absolutely, I'm glad you mentioned the news and social media because in fact,  for those of us high up on that scale that identify as HSP empaths, I actually  recommend that you don't visually watch news. It can be too overstimulating,  too overwhelming, and we're not going to be beneficial to the world if we're  falling apart. It is common to be constantly connected to social media. Social  media has gotten incredibly negative and overwhelming. It's just too much all the  time, and yet that's what society has turned into. We do have to actually do  things differently than those around us. Read the news rather than watch it.  Also, it takes up to eight positives to neutralize one negative in the brain. That  means you've got to do a lot of positive filling up, too. Read the good stuff that's happening in the world also because there's a lot of  really good people. I always say look for the helpers. Look for the good stories,  too, and the good people in the world doing good things. Be intentional about  that positivity fill-up. It also takes up to 20 to 30 seconds for positivity to really  absorb into the brain whereas negative is instant. It actually, how often are we  really stopping when we're not being mindful and soaking that in? Even the  glorious masterpiece of a sunrise and sunset every day that we're given, these  are great times to intentionally slow down and really soak in the beauty that's  around us. 

Melissa: I love this idea of the slowing down. We often talk about ourselves as highly  sensitive people, but when we go back to the actual term of our trait, which is  sensory processing sensitivity, which I always think about means our processing  is more sensitive. The way that we are processing information is more sensitive.  If we are willing, if we are disciplined to really be present with those delicious  moments in life and we process those deeply and we savor those. I think what  I'm hearing you say is that the impact is so great that it's going to stick with us  beyond just that experience. It's almost like neutralizing or counterbalancing  some of those unwanted experiences, unwanted emotional experiences that are  moving through our day. Am I hearing you correctly? 

Julie: Yes, absolutely. It makes such a huge difference because I'm really interested in  the research around what makes one HSP empath thrive, what are they doing? This is the stuff I'm finding that they're doing. Things like slow mornings, that's a  big one. If you're somebody that just jumps out of bed and you're racing in to-do  mode, you're picking up your phone and you're bringing in all that data, you're  setting that nervous system motor up on high and it generally stays that way. But  if you are waking up really slow, and I'm talking about slow movements. Do not  grab your phone. A lot of HSP empaths will do meditation, yoga, stretching,  different things that are really slow movements, even walking to the bathroom  slowly. If that means getting up before the rest of your family and getting to  sleep earlier at night, that's what we have to do.  Speaking of sleep, that's a big one. HSPs do not do well without good sleep. It  really impacts our well-being and our health. We are not somebody that can just  push through on just a few hours. What I was talking about, keeping your  nervous system slowed down like that throughout the day. What's going to  happen when you come into your bed and you're slowing down for the night, again, don't bring your devices with you. We can be impacted by looking at our  screens. If you want to read, read something that's not stimulating and an actual  book so you're not looking at a screen. Doing things that are really slow  throughout the day, that will slow that nervous system motor down so that when  you do go to sleep, your mind is not racing. You've already processed. That's  another thing that we have to do. I think of it as three stages where we need to rest, process, and restore every day and really prioritize our sleep because that  will make a huge difference in our wellness. 

Melissa: I love your tips. Even as you were talking about reading in bed with a book at  night, I was having a visceral experience because nowadays, people are reading  digital books or audio books, and I'm one of those people. I love a paperbook. I  love holding it in my hand. I love the feeling of the page. I love the smell of the  book. It is such a sensory experience for me as a sensitive person to read a  paperback, a hardcopy book rather than reading something digital. I love that  that's one of the things that I heard you suggest. 

Julie: Yes, and also, not too stimulating material because we love absorbing  information. We could dive down really deep into information, so something  that's not too stimulating, slowing down. I have tips that I share about doing the  same five things every night before sleep. Maybe taking a warm bath and then  coming into a cool room that also supports sleep, doing meditation at night,  dimming your lights. Doing it in the same order so that the brain picks up on this  is the time that I need to slow down. We can't leave all of our processing for  nighttime. This really is true for teens and children, too. I raised two sensitive  children. When they were little, we'd start the bedtime routine really early so  that we could slow down. We could talk. That's when they'd really talk about  their day, process what they needed to process. Then maybe read some nice  stories and just slow down that process for them. Making sure that you're  processing all those hundred cups of data that are coming in.  Maybe you get your feelings hurt from something somebody said. We can't stuff  all those things, or else they're going to come out some way. I usually say they're  going to explode into something, a big meltdown, an anger burst, or implode into  depression, health issues. Processing what's coming up for us. We think that  about 50% at least of clients that are HSPs are in therapy, so that's amazing.  Therapy can be an incredible tool for HSPs. I think working through our own  personal development with somebody that is trained to do that is really helpful  to help us through our healing journeys and get us into the places that we want  to be in. 

Melissa: I agree with you. I think therapy is one of the best gifts that we can give  ourselves especially in adulthood if there are leftover things from childhood. I  think sensitive people in general are more susceptible to having trauma. Things  that feel traumatic to us may not have felt traumatic to our siblings or other  family members. Having it validated by somebody rather than kind of poo-pooed  or, "Oh, well, that's a privileged problem that you had." Yeah, maybe it was, but  in childhood, it felt like an unmet need, or it felt like a dismissal or an invalidation  that might live with somebody for a really long time, so I'm with you. I think  therapy is emotional magic.

Julie: It really is. I think it's great if you are an HSP to work with an HSP practitioner. I  have a directory on my website. That's something that has been important to  me, is to connect HSPs together with an HSP practitioner. I think it's a huge thing  to work with another HSP. I hear that all the time that people are like, wow, this  is a really different experience getting to work with an HSP practitioner. 

Melissa: I agree. I sometimes hear from sensitive people that have been in therapy that  their therapist never heard of the trait. My suggestion to those people is often  maybe find a new therapist. It's not to say that a sensitive person and a non highly sensitive therapist can't be a good match. However, sensitive people get  each other. Sometimes I liken being highly sensitive to non-highly sensitive  people like if you think about the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy was in Kansas  versus being in Oz. Highly sensitive people, we live in a full spectrum, emotional  world. Our emotions are in full color. Non-highly sensitive people are more of a  black and white and gray world. It's very hard for them who've never  experienced full color to understand what full color is like. It's really hard for a  non-highly sensitive person to get into the highly sensitive person's experience. I  say non-highly sensitive person not meaning that they are people that are not  sensitive, but non-highly sensitive. People that don't have the trait of sensory  processing sensitivity. 

Julie: Right. It's so essential for us to be, I really believe in a grassroots movement, that  we're out educating others. If you're educating your practitioners about this trait,  think about all the people that you're helping that come after you. It's why I have  a letter on my website also that's a free download for people. It's a letter to give  your medical and mental health professionals about the trait to educate them.  It's hugely important for your doctors to know about it, your dentists, anybody  that works with you, because you can be impacted by a lot of things. You might  be impacted differently from medications. In general, just to avoid misdiagnosis,  your practitioners need to know about this trait. 

Melissa: Absolutely, when I heard you talk about sharing with a dentist, it made me think  about I, as a child, hated going to the dentist. I would scream so much in the  room even for a cleaning. The people in the waiting room were like, what are you  doing to that child in there? That trauma lived with me into adulthood. My  current dentist, when I started going to him, I said I'm letting you know, I'm a  tough cookie. I have trauma. I need you to be sensitive, delicate, and gentle. Tell  me before you do things, and he's an angel. Once I found this dentist, I said you  can never retire because I need you. You get me. For me, what it took to have  that experience with him was really advocating for myself and explaining my trait  in an unapologetic way. I think some sensitive people, we've danced around it.  We don't want to be a burden to other people. Maybe because I'm a New  Yorker, I'm an extrovert and I'm strong willed, it wasn't as challenging for me. But I'm curious for you who, as you explained, your sensitivity is a different  complex makeup. For you or anybody that you've worked with, if that advocating  is more challenging. If so, if you have any suggestions for people about how to go  about explaining their trait to people who don't get it. How to explain their  experience so that it can be received and respected rather than looked down  upon like, oh, poor you, here's what you need. Any tips that you have for  people? 

Julie: Yeah. I'm glad you're talking about this. This is important because it is challenging  for a lot of sensitive people to advocate for their needs. It makes sense. We've  been given messages our entire lives that something's wrong with being  sensitive, or that if you have these extra needs, something's wrong with you. I  used to feel that, too, I used to hide the fact that I was this sensitive because I  thought something was wrong with it. It really took my own internal shifts. That's  why I say spend time with other sensitive people so that you're normalizing your  experience in the world and not apologizing for it. We cannot apologize for our  needs. If we have a need, we have to be able to ask for it in a really empowered  way. I come from a place of thinking I'm educating them. That means I'm going  to help all the people that come after me. I might say to the practitioner, have  you heard of the trait of high sensitivity? It's known as the highly sensitive  person, HSP, but it's scientifically known as sensory processing sensitivity.  If I'm talking to a doctor, I might say one in five of your patients are going to have  this trait, so it's really important for you to know about it. These are ways that I  approach it. Now, I always recommend if you're coming across a practitioner  who is just dismissing you when you're trying to explain this trait, find another  practitioner because there are good practitioners out there who will listen. This  is really urgent and imperative that your practitioners know about this. Because I  cannot tell you how many clients I've seen over the years that have been  misdiagnosed and really harmed by that. It's incredibly important that they know  about it and you're educating them. I say come from a place that's empowered.  There's nothing wrong with you. This trait evolved for a reason, a part of the  survival of the population. The world needs sensitive people in the world, and we  have to advocate for our needs in areas like that. 

Melissa: I totally agree with you. In my work working with parents of sensitive children, I  do the same. I help them advocate for their children primarily with their teachers  and schools. But also with their doctors because I see a lot of misdiagnoses, a lot  of children being diagnosed with ADD or clinical anxiety. Oppositional defiance  disorder is one that I see quite often especially with the strong-willed, sensitive  children. High sensitivity can look to somebody who doesn't understand the trait  like other things. But it doesn't necessarily mean that it's clinical, that there's  something going on there that requires medical intervention. I'm glad that you're  really shining a light on that. I'm curious because I've heard you talking about the importance of HSPs in community. Is that part of what inspired you to build this  online community that you're on? 

Julie: Yes. Oh my gosh, this is one of my favorite places to be. I developed the Sensitive  Empowerment Community because I was teaching online classes and I was  seeing, I actually did one with The Shift Network. I really saw the magic of us  being together. I just knew we didn't want to leave each other. We wanted to  stay together, so I've created this space. It's really magical because to be able to  relieve and remove that burden of thinking something's wrong with you, and  instead, normalize and validate your experiences are incredible. To have a space  that I really promote acceptance, positivity, and empowerment quite different  than what a lot of social media is. We don't do advertisements. We really stay in  a space that's working on our growth and empowerment together. What  happens is everybody is so supportive of each other that it's like this big love  fest.  I think we believe in a philosophy of when one HSP rises, we all rise. That was a  big part of my reason for this. I have a greater mission to it, too. Because I  believe, and not just that I believe, but I actually see this that when an HSP  becomes empowered and they have the right tools to stay balanced in the world,  it is kind of amazing what they're capable of. To start to see them flying in the  world, what's happening is they're going out and helping other people. If you  really can help an HSP rise in empowerment in the world, you're going to see a  ricochet of benefit from that. That is my goal. I believe that HSPs are needed. We  need sensitive leadership, collaborative, empathic, caring, heart-centered  people. I know that we can make a big change in education systems with  systemic racism, with so many things we need leadership for, even in the health  field. We just really need HSPs to be in these places where laws and policies are  made, where things are decided because we're needed. That's the whole reason  we exist in the first place. So being able to support sensitive leadership and  empowerment is a really big mission of mine and it's about the most beautiful  thing you could see because that's what HSPs do. They go out and help people. 

Melissa: Absolutely, I fully agree with you. I think now more than ever, we need sensitive  people in places of leadership because the world is less sensitive than it could be,  less sensitive to caring about other people, seeing the big picture and the  impacts of behavior. That's what we as sensitive people thrive at doing. We're  really good at seeing that big picture, caring about how other people are  impacted. When we get to be in those leadership positions and share our voice  and craft the way that policies are set up, it benefits everybody, not just the  sensitive ones. 

Julie: One hundred percent. It's what the world is crying for right now. We absolutely  need that. I know that HSPs can be the change that the world needs.

Melissa: I totally agree with you. I'm also curious because since you and I last had the  chance to speak, I know that you've started this HSP dating community. I'm  interested for you to talk a little bit more about why you started that and about  the potential impact of bringing together, I'm thinking about all these power  couples of highly sensitive people. Any thoughts that you want to share about  that? 

Julie: Yes. Within the Sensitive Empowerment Community, I created the Dating Group  as well as the HSPs in Business and Heart-Centered Business Group. The reason  why is because we do need to bring ourselves together for different reasons. So  many HSPs have asked me over the years, "How can I meet another HSP? Where  are they?" It's really a place to come together for lots of reasons. The whole  community is about connecting in deep ways and really supporting each other.  I've taken my years of working with couples over the years. I put all the  information I've learned like in the dating profile parts so that it makes it easy for  people to fill out the information. Really, it's about doing it from a place that's  very grounded, empowered, and clear about what we're asking for because I  believe in manifestation. I think that that's where everything starts from, is that  we have to know what we need.  The reason I put these groups inside the community itself is because I believe  that having a foundation of personal growth and empowerment is an important  aspect before we can be good in a relationship, before we can build a business  from the ground up. That's why it's all together like that because it's part of how  we get to these places that are empowered and really thriving in the world. One  of the things that comes up a lot that I want to mention is that especially HSP  empaths, a lot of them are talking about that their well-being is enhanced when  they sleep separately or even live separately from their partners. I want to  normalize that because it's actually happening a lot. A lot of people are somehow  getting messages that there's something wrong with that, so they're sort of  hiding that, but that's actually one of the questions in my profile for the dating  profile, the dating directory. I ask that. Do you want to share a room? But even if  you are sharing a room, you need to have your separate spaces. This is really  important, because we're picking up on the energy of people all the time. If we  never have our own space, we're never really able to drain out that hundred  cups that we're taking in every day. 

Melissa: Yeah, I totally agree with you. I'm laughing over here as you're talking about that  with my partner. I moved into a new house this year and sometimes, I think,  man, we should have gotten a duplex where we could have lived right on top of  each other but not in the same space. I'm so grateful to have my office, which is  my retreat. It's a space that I work from, but it's also the place that I can come to  when I need to close the door and sit in meditation or light some candles. Or be with my crystals and my plants and just have my own takeaway space. Even as I  was just listening to you talking about the processing and emptying those  hundred cups. I was thinking that for me, living in a home with others,  sometimes for me, the processing happens as I'm washing dishes or as I'm  walking to get the mail or just as I'm tidying up the pillows on the sofa. In other  words, sometimes for me, the processing comes in these little blips and waves  throughout the day when I'm doing something that, I don't want to say it's  mindless, but it's almost like a meditative experience. It's something that I can do  without being fully focused. It allows my mind the freedom to process and to  unravel a little bit while I'm physically moving and doing something. Do you find  that those kinds of experiences are common for sensitive people? That that's  something that we can all look to as a way of processing throughout the day? 

Julie: I think that's fantastic especially if you happen to be in a phase of life that's really  busy, and it's hard for you to carve out that time for sitting down for meditation.  Something we really recommend is doing that as meditation every day. But in  addition to the meditation, doing what you're saying is really helpful to give a  quiet mindfulness to your activities, too. Like you said, you could be processing  and being mindful while you're washing the dishes, being internal and that  internal reflection. I often do it in the bathtub. That's one of my favorite things. I  take a bath. It's like my processing tank. I take really long baths. It's my  processing time. It's my time of rest. It's my time of restoration. Being near water  or in water is a big one for a lot of HSP empaths. There are all these little things. I'm glad we're highlighting this because you hear this a lot. People say I can't  possibly have time to take an hour or two to myself every day, but we can do  these little things and we can start to build a life that works better for us.  Sometimes that means we shift our jobs. Sometimes it means we shift our living  situations. I've seen a lot of HSPs start to move towards wanting to live closer to  nature. That's something that I really want to do, too, is move right into nature  so it's just right with me all the time. I don't have to drive to go get to it. These  are things that you want to start thinking about. How can I set my life up in ways  that's going to support me better? 

Melissa: I love that. How can I set my life up in a way that it's going to support me? I think  so many of us do the opposite. We set up our life and then we try to fill in the  gaps of how can I nurture myself in this busy, chaotic life that I've set up? The  way that you posed that question is beautiful because it really gives us the  opportunity to build our life from the ground up, to craft a life that works for us.  As sensitive people, what works for many doesn't work for us. That fast-paced  life of commuting and being over-involved and meeting friends all the time, it  just doesn't work. Sometimes I laugh when people ask how I'm doing these days  because we're living in this semi-chaotic world right now. I say I'm actually good.  I love working from home and being at home and not going out a whole lot and meeting with friends a whole lot. The last couple of years, this slowing down and  being more at home, I think it's actually worked for a lot of sensitive people.  Ironically, this collective trauma that we're all feeling isn't necessarily working,  but the slower pace really seems to be nurturing a lot of HSPs and shifting their  lifestyle. 

Julie: Oh, yes. I've heard that, too. It's been really profoundly influencing the wellness  of a lot of HSPs, not having to be in commutes, not having to be surrounded by  people at the office, slowing down, working from home more. That's something  that I've actually advocated for, for years, is that HSPs do that more. Honestly, a  lot of people ask me these questions about, how can I have a full-time job and a  family and all these things. I do find that if you're somebody that has a full-time  job inside an office, surrounded by people, it actually doesn't work very well for  HSP empaths. Whether that means that we're having our lunch hours alone with  our eyes closed and earplugs in, you have to rest that sensory system. We cannot  just push through and be in this crazy, chaotic, modern living that's just pushing,  pushing, pushing for busyness. Even a lot of parents ask me, how do I do this  with kids? I say that sometimes we have to go against what society is pushing at  us.  When I raised my sensitive kids, we weren't doing all the crazy after-school  activities, constant busyness. I cannot tell you how many families have broken up  because all they're doing is bringing their kids here and there and here and there  and working. They have absolutely no time for themselves and that's not going  to be beneficial for the family. My children now, all grown, they're doing great.  Instead, we went to nature. We spent time in little creeks and checking out  different trees. We went on trails. We spent a lot of outside time and a lot of  quiet time doing artwork, reading, drawing, alone time. Just in general, setting  our life around how can we as the parents really be well because if we're well,  that's going to be good for our kids. If we're not well, that's not good for our kids. 

Melissa: Absolutely, I think it's true in all aspects of HSPs' lives. If we as an HSP, if we are  not well, we can't show up for our loved ones, our children, our families, our  clients, our friends, ourselves. While there is a societal taboo around focusing  inward and having this sort of selfishness, it's something that we really have to  embrace not at the cost of others but at the well-being of ourselves. 

Julie: Absolutely, it's such a huge thing. You've probably seen this in your work, too.  You hardly ever see an anxious child not also have an anxious parent. That's  something to think about, so pushing yourself to do everything all the time. If  you're an anxious parent, that is going to trickle down into your child. Really  making sure that you're doing things that are right for you as the parent and  setting up these quiet times like we're talking about, the slower pace. This is  what's going to be helpful for the whole family.

Melissa: Yeah, it also sounds like one of the other things I really heard you talking about is  surrounding yourself with community that understands you and support you. 

Julie: Yes, it helps you feel stronger. That's something that I get really excited about  when people say I thought about the community or the strength and the people  in this community and this helped me do that. This helped me advocate for my  needs. This helped me make change. We have members that are in lawmaking  situations. We have members in direct sensitive leadership positions, directors of  diversity, different things like that that are really truly making a difference. If we  can empower everyone to really step into that kind of empowerment, we can  make a big change in the world. Really, it's just a magical thing, too. I know  people recently commented in the community how they felt that this was such a  safe place, that they didn't have a safe place, especially black HSPs. That was a  big one that came up and that was LGBTQ+. These are really near and dear to my  heart demographics of people that are also HSPs. Creating a safe space for them  was really important to me. A lot of people have said it's the first place they've  ever felt safe and really a sense of true belonging. That is powerful for our  wellness. 

Melissa: What a gift to the community. While you're talking about the community, can  you share for the listeners how they can become part of this community? Other  workshops, events, programs, things that you want to share with our listeners so  they can learn more from you and connect with you in this HSP community that  you're talking about. 

Julie: Yes. My website is like HSP utopia. I have so many free things on my website,  too, so that we can really support everyone. I have several free masterclasses.  We've got the free HSP Blog, the free HSP Podcast, several tools that I teach. I  teach a self-compassion technique, an article about sleep that will give you those  five steps we've talked about, the letter to download to give to your medical and  mental health professionals, several directories, public HSP directories to give  you support. Also, join our sensitive empowerment community. It's really a  special place. It's almost hard to describe how amazing it is. I can't tell you how  many people have shown up and said I came here to meet friends. It's a global  community, too, which really excites me because we bring HSPs in from all over  the world. We do events in the community, live events. I'm available within the  community also to connect with directly. I always show up early for my events so  that I can connect directly with everybody, and I'm there every day. It's a very  powerful space. It's my favorite place to be, and I believe we're going to change  the world there.

Melissa: How wonderful. Thanks, Julie. I wanted to share with you that one of the things  that I heard you say at the beginning of our talk is still resonating. It's echoing  around in me when you said something like it's not that you're too sensitive. It's  the modern world that's too, I think you said too overstimulating. How soothing  it is for sensitive people to hear that, to know that it's not who they are. It's this  environment that they were born into. Really it speaks to my infant soul on a  really deep level, so thank you. 

Julie: Oh, I just got goosebumps when you said that because I was thinking about my  inner child, too. I did do a lot of inner child work and a lot of us have to do that to  learn how to re-parent our inner child, how to give them the love that they need,  and that's something we also work on in the community. It's been a big piece of  my own journey, is to develop self-compassion. That's a huge one. A lot of us lack  self-compassion and yet we're so compassionate towards others. Learning how  to talk loving to ourselves and support ourselves through will really be a big part  of our resilience. Absolutely, what you were saying about that, it's huge, being  able to understand that you are not too sensitive. It is really that the world is too  overstimulating, and to know that there's nothing wrong with you. I always say  something that's kind of amazing. If you ever have a chance to get into nature for  two to three days alone like rent a cabin or something, if you could spend time in  nature by yourself, you will remember or at least even possibly be introduced to  the real you. I did that recently. I had even forgotten what I was like without so  much overstimulation, and I work on it every day. It was kind of amazing. I was  just like, oh my gosh, I forgot that I can feel this good and feel this much joy and  just be playful again. I think that that's something that's kind of magical, so if you  really want to find yourself, find yourself in nature. 

Melissa: I love that, Julie. Thank you so much. I wish we had more time because I have a  million more questions for you. I'm so grateful for your wealth of knowledge and  for this community that you're building so that it can really ripple out and impact  our world. Thank you for that. Thank you for a wonderful session, Julie Bjelland.  Thank you to everybody for listening. Bye for now. 

Julie: Thank you so much for having me, and everybody, take really good care of your  beautiful, sensitive selves out there. 

© 2021 The Shift Network. All rights reserved.

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Julie Bjelland is a Psychotherapist specializing in high sensitivity, host of The HSP Podcast, and Founder of the Sensitive Empowerment Community, whose mission is to create a paradigm shift where sensitivity is embraced, valued, and honored. Julie offers multiple essential resources for educating, inspiring, and empowering HSPs. Register for her free Masterclasses and profoundly transform your life in her courses and community. Her HSP Dating Group is a safe space bringing together conscious, kind, caring HSPs (both Hetero and LGBTQ+). Her HSPs in Business Group supports and empowers sensitive people to grow heart-centered businesses, share their voices, and be part of the change the world needs. Explore Julie’s website dedicated to supporting HSPs and download a free letter to give medical and mental health professionals about high sensitivity. ❤️🌈❤️ (she/her)